Letters to My Father 11.22.15

Dear Dad,

Today I turned 19. It was the first time in 10 years that you weren't there for my birthday.

Remember when we used to always pick a restaurant to go to that no one in the family had heard of so they were forced to try something new?

I remember how you used to laugh so secretly. I thought it was such a diabolical plan.

Today feels weird without you here. My favorite part about my birthday became sharing it with you when I was 8 years old.

I would always memorize what day yours would be on before mine because I knew that whatever week of the day yours fell on, mine would be exactly one week later.

One thing I missed when I woke up today was one of your signature cat birthday cards. I loved how year after year you would go and find the craziest looking cat card and write something quite clever on the inside.

I always looked forward to your quips and you always looked forward to my reaction (which was usually faked annoyance). Secretly we both loved it.

So now I'm crying and laughing all by myself here on the other side of the house. Mom is already asleep and it's finally the end of today.

But I can't help but think about how I wish it was last year and how I wished you were still here.

Why did I have to love you so much? Why did you have to be so wonderful?

Written 11.22.15

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