Letters to My Father (12.1.15)

Dear Dad,

Today marks 2 years since you died.

I know that you might think it would be silly of me to write you like this, but at the same time I don’t really talk to anyone about what happened to you that day.

In fact, I don’t really speak at all about it.

Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me. I can feel everyone in the family wondering why I don’t talk about you. They wonder why I don’t cry. 

But I don’t mind telling you that I am scared to. I’m scared if I go there, if I relive that day that I won’t be able to pull myself out of it.

I remember what feeling nothing felt like. I remember what showing up and hiding my pain behind a façade to not upset anyone felt like. 

 I don't want to do that. 

I don't want to not feel anything anymore. 

 Written: (12.1.15)



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