Why the Death Stigma?


I took a class at UCO called "Psychology of Grief" during my junior year, Spring 2016. When I signed up for it I wasn't sure what to expect.

I thought, 'maybe we will talk about how to grieve properly, maybe this could help me.'

At that point in time I had become aware that it was my time to start looking inwardly on what I needed to do to confront all of these things that I still couldn't bear to think of.

Mom was doing better. She had a new job and was involved with groups that helped her talk to other widows. 

I, on the other hand, realized I was still using phrases like, 'My dad is gone' or 'He isn't here anymore' instead of calling it face value of what it was.

He was dead.

I remember in class when we talked about the euphemisms that are used to say the word 'dead' or 'death' or 'dying.'

Here are a few just to jog some memories:

  • Gone
  • In heaven now
  • Isn't here
  • Pushing up daises
  • At peace
  • At rest
  • Bite the dust
  • fading away

The list really does go on. I remember in class that it almost felt painful to say that my father was 'dead' instead of saying 'gone.' But why?

Was it a cultural thing?

Howard clearly didn't mind bringing up the subject of death. He always said it was just another natural part of life.

But knowing that and accepting it to be just the kind of person he was, was and still is two different tasks.

I still had questions.

Even though Howard seemed to have accepted death, was he still scared of it? Also, why do some cultures celebrate the end of life while others don't talk about it at all? Why are we scared to talk about death with our families? Am I scared to die?

All of these questions that I have posed have gone unanswered. Perhaps there isn't just one answer. But at least it might get the conversation going.

All I know is this... I don't know what we would have done if Howard hadn't sat us down and told us verbatim what he wanted when he died. I know I would have wanted to honor him the way he wanted.

And luckily that is what we were able to do. 


Written 1.24.17

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