Letters to My Father (12.25.13)



Dear Dad,

Today feels so incomplete without you. There are no words for this kind of sadness. There is absolutely nothing at all. 

Written: 12.25.13 (24 days after my father died) 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One Golden Memory

I know what it feels like to fly. It feels like being held by your arms and being swung around in circles as we are both getting dizzy and giggling like crazy. It feels like I'm six years old again in the backyard at Grandma's house. Caleb is playing baseball outside with our cousins John, Angel and the twins, Tim and James. My hair is bleached by the sun a bright yellow blonde in messy pigtails and my skin is all tanned. Our fort that we built out of the cardboard boxes that the new couches came in is set up with a sign that says "Home Sweet Home, Wecome" instead of "Home Sweet Home, Welcome." "Again, Howie, again!" I laugh and scream with my arms stretched out towards you. You smile back and grab my arms to swing me in circles more and before I know it my legs are off the ground and I'm flying again. I can tell you love Momma and she loves you back. You are growing on me and I'm growing on you too. I can tell you make Momm...
Read more

After Rain

These muggy summers have me missing the fresh air of springtime. I miss the budding lilies in your resting place where the softest moss grows in place of tragedy. Sometimes I run out there through the twigs leaving snags in my shirts and my hands feeling their way through brush. I know I get small cuts on my knuckles but it's worth it to talk to you. I miss those days when the house would be quiet enough to hear the hum of the geothermal system you managed to experiment with. You would curse under your breath when you found that the basement had flooded (yet again). I would chuckle silently hearing you come up the stairs in a huff. If you were here I'd ask you if it was alright that I had made all these mistakes in your absence. I would ask you what it is I'm supposed to be looking for. I would ask you for help. Mom called this my love letter to my father. I suppose it is, really. I made my peace long ago not to discuss my pain in full detail with people. I neve...
Read more

The Long Way Home

What two years can do to a person... It's strange to think it has been only two years since I began writing on this blog. Today, as I now have a full-time job at an NPR affiliate, I find myself recollecting on how it is possible that I got here. I am fortunate to have had professors and people in the industry who have all thought I was worthy of a chance. To all of you, thank you. I also know I have the best mother on the face of the earth - and I know there are many of you out there who would argue that yours is the greatest of all - and isn't it wonderful that we share that? But something has changed in me. I can say I've lived in another state besides Oklahoma. I've moved away. I've left my loved ones. Why? Somedays - I don't know. It's uncomfortable to be by yourself. In foreign city, all alone. On other days it also can be peaceful. But I haven't written a personal or creative sentence in this time frame, since I've moved. ...
Read more